my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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