Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
