Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
