So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
