I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize