I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
