sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
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You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
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So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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