did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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