I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
