i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
