Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
