I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You dont lie about slip and slides
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Randomize
