I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
