i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
