Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed