Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize