Sponge bath it is.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.