I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
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I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
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Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.