Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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