You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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