You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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