It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
