I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
