I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
