Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
