Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
