You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
