I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
