I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
where are my eyebrows?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
