do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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