I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I FOUND THE LEGS
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
