Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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