Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Where is the hickey?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Vodka?
Forever.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
