Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
