What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
