Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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