i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Houston, we have a blender
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
