Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
