I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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