Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
