so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
