You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
