White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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