End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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