she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
