Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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