drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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