Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
