C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
