let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
