He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
