you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
