I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
