doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
