how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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