Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
