I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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