Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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