Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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