I'm gonna have a badass scar
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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