just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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