I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
