um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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