I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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