I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
