So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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