you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
