My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
