I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
