I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
