Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
