please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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