Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
