some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
