i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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