Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
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You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
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We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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