Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
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Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
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I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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