Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I forget how to act sober
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