...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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